just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
