Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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