i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
