I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
