I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got inside last night via doggy door
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
