just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
