I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
