You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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