I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
