why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
