Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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