I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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