allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
