jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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