....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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