Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
