Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
