Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
