question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
