I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
