Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
