She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
