party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
