When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
