I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
