I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
