I accidentally burped into my bong.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
