If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
