my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
