I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
