Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
