new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
