even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
