if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
