apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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