Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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