you traded sex for a burrito?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
