I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
