She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i drank out of a bidet.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
