OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
