3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
