do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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