I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
