Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
