It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
