you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
