I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
