I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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