we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
