I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
