ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
