party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
