the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
