As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
