everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
