dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
